Posted on March 29, 2010 at 8:07am.
I absolutely love working in the yard. I had a massive truck of mulch delivered last week and was in hog heaven out there with a pitchfork and a wheel barrel. Only one thing interrupted a perfect day of escape, and that was disappointment. An unmet expectation, turned to disappointment, turned to hurt, turned to an unraveling within me. I spiraled for hours, praying internally, asking the Spirit for counseling and discernment, but could not wedge myself out of a funk that had taken over. I seldom have my cell phone outside - sort of defeats the purpose, but I heard the tone, and though I was annoyed that someone would have the audacity to invade my sanctuary of brooding, I answered. It was someone very dear to me, who had picked up on my heart, and simply spoke truth to me. “Don’t let your hurt turn to anger”. They caught me just in time. I love how God works.
Posted on March 25, 2010 at 9:41am.
I blew a gasket on Monday with one of my daughters over something both of them have ownership. Not fair to unload on just one, but I would have lost some of my fire if I had waited, which would had been a wiser move, but would not have satisfied my need to “go off”. Well, at the end of my tirade, I apologized and had an incredible conversation with, not a girl, but a young woman who bears my name. Less than a year from now both of our girls will most likely be living outside of our home, and outside the country. I will miss it all - the tension, the drama, the blow dryers, and the day to day relationships.
Posted on March 23, 2010 at 11:57am.
I need to be reminded of the obvious sometimes. Well truthfully - more than sometimes - a lot! God has been reminding me over and over and over - that He is with me. And this reminder is securing itself to my theology and heart in new ways. He is doing a new work in me with an old reminder. Isaiah 41:10 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you.”
Posted on March 17, 2010 at 1:24pm.
God does so much more than we hope or imagine in our lives. Rare is life so good that you are convinced you won’t live another day - cause only heaven can top it. But, I had one of those moments that lasted 10 days. I walked Israel, I experienced the picture book of our spiritual history pop up. I experienced this with a woman who still takes delight in my presence after decades of marriage, and who still makes me laugh and draws me in. And I saw this land with my two daughters who both love Jesus, and actually wanted to experience Israel with their mom and dad. I have always hoped and prayed that our girls would have a great love for the Lord, and to see their love grow in front of my eyes as they read and studied the Word through the Holy Land, is over the top for this old man. And, I saw this land with two people who have prayed for our girls as much, if not more, than we have - their grandparents. Flying home, as tired as we were, I was convinced that this trip would be a precious gift to our family, a gift that each of us would be so grateful for - for years to come.
Posted on March 1, 2010 at 5:36pm.
I failed at something, which is not really rare for me, but I failed at something I really wanted NOT to fail at. Even so, I tanked big. No one got hurt, no permanent damage - except within me. It is tough to really give yourself to something, put your whole heart into it, and then pull the trigger to find the result so far less than expected. For days following I lived in a personal place of defeat and and internal embarrassment, and even disappointment with God. This Christan life is complicated at times. I am a month out now, and the experience is still slightly, but certainly haunting me. There is something to be learned here, something that still needs to reckoned “dead” in me, and I am agonizing in hunting it down.
