Struggling Well With Life

I failed at something, which is not really rare for me, but I failed at something I really wanted NOT to fail at. Even so, I tanked big. No one got hurt, no permanent damage - except within me. It is tough to really give yourself to something, put your whole heart into it, and then pull the trigger to find the result so far less than expected. For days following I lived in a personal place of defeat and and internal embarrassment, and even disappointment with God. This Christan life is complicated at times. I am a month out now, and the experience is still slightly, but certainly haunting me. There is something to be learned here, something that still needs to reckoned “dead” in me, and I am agonizing in hunting it down.