http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php?/blog/struggling/ en info@churchatcharlotte.org Copyright 2010 2010-07-22T12:49:22+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/vacation/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/vacation/ Returned from two weeks of college tours and time at the beach - what a gift! When the girls were unplugged from their Ipods we had some amazing conversations, as well as some rip-roaring laughter - often at my expense. They are both pretty witty, and ensure that their dad gets away with absolutely nothing. Our lives are about to change this year, Em leaves for England in September, and Meg heads off to New Zealand in January - so every hour we get as a family right now is heightened in its enjoyment. God used my family to speak peace to my heart. Then sitting by the waters edge for a week reading mysteries and indulging on local feasts at night was literally life giving too. I enjoyed what “IS” in life for a bit, and allowed what “IS NOT” to have its proper place. Grateful to the Counselor who breathed truth into this old soul, and dependent upon Him this day to remain in this place. 2010-07-22T12:49:22+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/grateful-today/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/grateful-today/ I am so very grateful today. I am a blessed man, blessed in so many ways. Sometimes I refrain from “public” expressions of gratitude because it seems insensitive to others who are not experiencing much joy. I know, because I’ve been there. And will, no doubt, be there again. I am blessed, and not because I did or deserve anything. When my girls tell me they deserve something they know what my response will be before it leaves my mouth - “You deserve Hell, but God gave grace”. I often look at my life through the lens of what is not, what is not right, not obedient, not good. But today I am grateful for what is. I am not the man I was 10 years ago, or even last year for that matter - that’s a good thing. I have a wife who actually adores me - go figure! And I still get excited thinking about spending the rest of my life with her. I have two daughters who captured my heart from day 1, but who are a complete blast as young women. I have a few close friends who love me - what a gift they are. All of this in addition to my relationship with Jesus. It really doesn’t get any better than this. 2010-07-01T23:02:13+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/just-enough-to-get-through/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/just-enough-to-get-through/ The well keeps depleting. I am pushing toward some time outside of Charlotte. I have been away a lot this year, and even recently, at several great conferences/retreats, but nothing quite fills me like being unplugged from responsibilities. And there is something supernatural about the beach for me. I am pushing, working hard to get to that place. So much of the past few months has been about “quick fixes”, time here, and time there to refill the well inside me. It seems like I have just gotten enough to make it through the next hurdle - but there is no depth to draw from. Looking forward to deeper filling as my soul finds rest next month! 2010-06-28T15:50:53+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/chapter-closed/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/chapter-closed/ I ran this past weekend with my Saturday running buddy of some 15 plus years. Saturday was a big day for the both of us. Brian was giving his daughter away in marriage, and I was about to witness my first daughter graduate from high school. Two old guys hobbling through a few miles on a hot humid day commenting on the obvious - how fast time passes. Our family has always been a half a step behind Brian’s, and it is both exciting and heart stopping to see what the future holds. It was a heavy, but good day. Brian waxed eloquently as he commented that “I was closing a chapter in my family history, he was closing a volume”. Later that day, I watched over the bride’s shoulder as her dad experienced that volume close. 2010-06-14T14:07:11+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/woe-is-me/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/woe-is-me/ Sometimes it takes others misfortune to breath perspective into our lives. Lately, I have been wrestling with a lot internally - and then last Wednesday I received a phone call that put my woes in perspective. One of our families from church lost their husband/father. He celebrated his 50th birthday on Monday, and was gone on Wednesday. His life is perfect now. But the lives of so many who loved him have been changed forever. I pray today that this dear family would know the presence of Christ in an undeniable way. It makes me look at what I am dealing with - and says “get a grip!”. Life is short - let’s try and love well today. 2010-06-07T13:02:05+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/perhaps-too-much/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/perhaps-too-much/ Is this really the place to be boldly honest?  A website?  It’s tough to be open - especially when you are not really sure who it is you are being honest with.  How many times have you had what you said misinterpreted, or held out as the sum part of who you are?  Though I am no longer held captive to what people think of me, I would be a liar to say it has absolutely no merit.  All that said, I was waiting for the tides to turn a bit before I would enter another thought here.  The tides have turned, but not for the better.  The truth about my heart today - is that I am mad, not crazy mad, though I wonder how far that really is, but just plain old angry mad.  I am mad about a lot.  Mad, mad about what is, and what is not - in my life, in the lives of others, and in the life of our church.  On any one day there are always things that unnerve us, but today I find myself unnerved on several fronts, on every front.  It’s a good thing that I am alone in my part of the office today.  I would pity anyone who would have to work with me.  I am keeping my head down, and avoiding eye contact.  I have to make it through a few more projects, a few more hours and then hopefully a meal with friends, and an evening with someone who has been with me since the 70"s (James Taylor) will nudge me from this funk that I am in. 2010-06-02T18:50:39+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/awake-all-night/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/awake-all-night/ It’s mid-afternoon, and I am hitting a wall.  I need to get a coffee fix.  Stayed up and watched “Lost” for 5 straight hours last night.  I snuck into the bedroom after midnight, and thought for sure I would be out before my head hit the pillow.  Not so!  I was awake all night.  Really - all night. Prayed for every one the Lord brought to mind, and then still had hours to just think.  What is a night like that all about?  Is God trying to get my attention, speak to me?  Or is it just an odd rhythm now for an old man.  Not really sure.  There are more and more things and events that just leave me puzzled.  2010-05-24T18:31:36+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/wired-for-waywardness/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/wired-for-waywardness/ Every day this week has been an intense battle. Odd, because this week was no harder or easier circumstantially than any other, but it has felt like I have been trudging through mud. I have been reading through the Bible, and finished with Hosea this week - and a verse toward the end has stayed with me on into Joel and Amos. Hosea 14:4 “I will heal their waywardness and love them freely . . .” I think that part of my battle this week is continuing to navigate this waywardness that been redeemed, but is still at the core of who I am, and who I am longing not to be. He has healed and is healing my waywardness. This healing is grueling, especially this week. Though a bit worn down by it all, I find both peace and comfort in the reality that God heals our waywardness, and love us freely. 2010-05-20T16:06:32+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/supernatural/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/supernatural/ Something supernatural happened to me this morning. I had a long rough day yesterday, and went to bed last night with the weight of the world, and a bunch of my own as well. Yesterday was hard, disappointing, frustrating, and even heartbreaking. I woke up still feeling all of that - and reached out from under the covers for the light and my Bible. I read for a while. And though nothing stood out from anything I specifically read, after a while I felt the weight lifting. Nothing has changed dramatically in any of the situations of yesterday, but something has changed in me. Grateful today for the refreshment the Spirit brings through the Word, and for His presence in my life! 2010-05-12T14:18:38+00:00 http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/truth/ http://www.churchatcharlotte.org/site/index.php/blog/entry/struggling/truth/ I am so thankful for truth.  I was a born liar.  I lied about everything as a child.  Not sure if I was just bored or it was woven into my DNA.  Since Jesus got a hold of my heart, truth has become a pretty big deal to me.  And this week I have had truth spoken to me, over and over again.  Some truth is encouraging, and some downright convicting.  It’s only Wednesday and God the Holy Spirit has spoken through the Word, through our pastor, through my wife, through my daughters, through my friends, and in and through the circumstances and realities of life.  I am praying that God would find me at day’s end having lived in response to His truth - so help me God! 2010-05-05T13:43:44+00:00