Posted on June 2, 2010 at 1:50pm.
Is this really the place to be boldly honest? A website? It’s tough to be open - especially when you are not really sure who it is you are being honest with. How many times have you had what you said misinterpreted, or held out as the sum part of who you are? Though I am no longer held captive to what people think of me, I would be a liar to say it has absolutely no merit. All that said, I was waiting for the tides to turn a bit before I would enter another thought here. The tides have turned, but not for the better. The truth about my heart today - is that I am mad, not crazy mad, though I wonder how far that really is, but just plain old angry mad. I am mad about a lot. Mad, mad about what is, and what is not - in my life, in the lives of others, and in the life of our church. On any one day there are always things that unnerve us, but today I find myself unnerved on several fronts, on every front. It’s a good thing that I am alone in my part of the office today. I would pity anyone who would have to work with me. I am keeping my head down, and avoiding eye contact. I have to make it through a few more projects, a few more hours and then hopefully a meal with friends, and an evening with someone who has been with me since the 70"s (James Taylor) will nudge me from this funk that I am in.
Posted on May 24, 2010 at 1:31pm.
It’s mid-afternoon, and I am hitting a wall. I need to get a coffee fix. Stayed up and watched “Lost” for 5 straight hours last night. I snuck into the bedroom after midnight, and thought for sure I would be out before my head hit the pillow. Not so! I was awake all night. Really - all night. Prayed for every one the Lord brought to mind, and then still had hours to just think. What is a night like that all about? Is God trying to get my attention, speak to me? Or is it just an odd rhythm now for an old man. Not really sure. There are more and more things and events that just leave me puzzled.
Posted on May 20, 2010 at 11:06am.
Every day this week has been an intense battle. Odd, because this week was no harder or easier circumstantially than any other, but it has felt like I have been trudging through mud. I have been reading through the Bible, and finished with Hosea this week - and a verse toward the end has stayed with me on into Joel and Amos. Hosea 14:4 “I will heal their waywardness and love them freely . . .” I think that part of my battle this week is continuing to navigate this waywardness that been redeemed, but is still at the core of who I am, and who I am longing not to be. He has healed and is healing my waywardness. This healing is grueling, especially this week. Though a bit worn down by it all, I find both peace and comfort in the reality that God heals our waywardness, and love us freely.
Posted on May 12, 2010 at 9:18am.
Something supernatural happened to me this morning. I had a long rough day yesterday, and went to bed last night with the weight of the world, and a bunch of my own as well. Yesterday was hard, disappointing, frustrating, and even heartbreaking. I woke up still feeling all of that - and reached out from under the covers for the light and my Bible. I read for a while. And though nothing stood out from anything I specifically read, after a while I felt the weight lifting. Nothing has changed dramatically in any of the situations of yesterday, but something has changed in me. Grateful today for the refreshment the Spirit brings through the Word, and for His presence in my life!
Posted on May 5, 2010 at 8:43am.
I am so thankful for truth. I was a born liar. I lied about everything as a child. Not sure if I was just bored or it was woven into my DNA. Since Jesus got a hold of my heart, truth has become a pretty big deal to me. And this week I have had truth spoken to me, over and over again. Some truth is encouraging, and some downright convicting. It’s only Wednesday and God the Holy Spirit has spoken through the Word, through our pastor, through my wife, through my daughters, through my friends, and in and through the circumstances and realities of life. I am praying that God would find me at day’s end having lived in response to His truth - so help me God!
